Ch.. ch.. ch.. changes

Well boys, we moved to Northern California for Jon to go to school at SFSU. I've been on disability for 9 months because of the kidney stones that keep attacking me. This move is a big change, financially frustrating, and taxing on my mental and physical health. Transitioning to a city that mostly transports by subway (BART) and living in a (mostly) more liberal community has brought me feeling of insecurity and fears I have never had before. I returned to community college to focus on education and hope to get a credential in special education. I'm also hoping to transfer to SFSU next year.

I miss you boys terribly, and during my last visit to Bakersfield I cleaned and decorated your tiny headstone for Halloween. There are some Autumn flowers, some new lights, and two wind spinners with little pumpkins for designs. One thing I miss most about Bakersfield is being able to go see you boys, sit by your grave, and enjoy the serenity of it. One thing I never thought I'd say is how peaceful a cemetery is. Nana is in charge of seeing to your headstone while I'm gone, she does an amazing job, and misses you both dearly.

I know I don't write often, it doesn't mean I don't think of you. I try to light a candle and look at your precious pictures I posted by my bed when I wake up. I wonder how you would react to the cats playing with yarn, or the insane thunder and lightening we've had lately. I think about all of the cool parks in town and the really neat kids section at the library. I see 2 and 1/2 year olds running around and try to think of the silly facial expressions you'd make in the mirror. I miss you...every day. Life is changing, but you remain constant and in my heart. My heart is where you grow up, and my dreams are where I see you.