April 6, 2009

It's been a year. Happy birthday my sweet baby boys.

Love,
Mom

Wednesday

So today was kind of a hard day. No particular reason.

I noticed it when a woman was holding a really chunky blond baby- maybe 7 months old, and when a co-worker brought in her 10 day old baby. Maybe this sounds weird, but I was kind of afraid to touch the baby. Not because she was too fragile or that she wasn't mine, but because she reminded me of what should happen when you have a baby. I should have carried to term and brought my sons home. One day I will.

My heater broke yesterday...freakin' 53 degrees in my house. Try sleeping in a house that cold. I shouldn't complain- I have a house.

I have had a few suggestions through facebook on ideas for the boys' anniversary. I'd love to hear more.

Heating pads and tissue

So I'm not very good at keeping up on this blog spot. I get distracted way to easy.

I am wondering if I am suffering from stress of depression ...or whatever. I'm not sleeping well, I'm not hungry, nothing sounds good. I don't even want to watch my favorite shows. My muscles are tense...my whole body hurts.

You see, it's almost a year since my sons were born. I have no idea how to handle this. I miss my sons dearly. I want to do something for their birthday, but I'm not sure what to do. Anyone have any ideas?

So This is Me

Hello, I am new to this blogging thing and am introduced to it by my newest friend Lizy who has endured a tragic loss similar to mine.

In 2009, I lost my twin sons Harrison and Gabriel, who were 26 weeks gestation and just too small. The story is quite involved- so I will revisit the accounts later and hope that friends will help me remember the things I am not clear on. Until then...

I am 28, live in the armpit of California and have a Masters in Education, Multiple Subjects.

I work as an office manager for a local doctor who treats me very well.

I have been married to Jonathan (Jon) for almost 3 years, who has been my stronghold and my confidant through the last 7 years and an amazing comforter in the last 10 months. He is my best friend. I hope the following posts reach others who have been through similar unfortunate experiences and they find hope or peace... at least that they are not the only ones who have had to deal with a loss.

I hope this is a place for those who know me to share and write about my beautiful sons.